Honestly?

It is 2.5 in the morning and I cannot sleep. I feel I have hurt my wife and let her down. I have always tried to do the right thing and now I have no idea what to do. Let's start at the beginning; that has and always will be a very good place to start…

In the beginning of spring before Breanne graduation we go apartment shopping in Cincinnati. The process is difficult and long. We find ourselves getting discouraged as our options are running out. We accept an offer to sub lease Breanne's cousins condo. The Home Owners Association does not approve of this but the condo is really nice, big, and is really close to Breanne's place of work. Everybody involved understands the risk. There will be a fine involved and we will have to be kicked out if the HOA ever finds out that my wife and I have taken residence over. We have been living here since the beginning of summer 2008.

After we get married at the end of summer 2009 we start looking for a house. When Breanne and I first discuss whether or not to talk with her Cousins about us looking into moving out we decide not to right away. There is some work that needs to be done on the Condo and Breanne's Cousin is over here on a daily basis. Feeling bad about just leaving them in the dark I bring up the subject again with my wife about our decision to not discuss our plans with her Cousins. We decide that we are going to mention it sooner than later but don't actually mark a day to on the calendar to do so. The next day they decide to bring the topic up with us and we are truthful with our response. We tell her Cousins that we expect to be in the condo for one to six months. Two weeks later they accept someone's offer to buy the condo and tell us that we have to out of the condo by the middle of December. Did I mention that we hadn't bought a house yet?!

There is no one person truly to blame here. But I feel guilty. I have always felt that it is best to be honest with everybody because I would hope that everybody would want to be honest with me. I always push my wife to be honest and because I know her I can often tell when she is not being honest and I find myself pushing a lot. I know my wife is upset at me for pressing us into telling the truth to her cousins and now we are going to kicked out of our really nice and big condo long before we have anything resembling a house.

Am I wrong or self righteous to think that we should be telling the truth especially when asked point blank? I feel like my world is coming apart, up is down, black is white; that kind of thing. I cannot understand how making the decision to do the right thing can totally come back and bite me in the ass like this. My selfish want to be the good guy has caused me to hurt my family. So what? I am supposed to be the bad guy now? The one lies and cheats and doesn't care. That is totally not me! Is it wrong that I want to surround myself with good people and to want my wife to be more honest? Is it wrong for me to call her out when she isn't being truthful and to want her to be more truthful because the consequences of her being truthful will backfire? What has this world been coming to when we can't even be honest to family? Honestly!