Honestly?

It is 2.5 in the morning and I cannot sleep. I feel I have hurt my wife and let her down. I have always tried to do the right thing and now I have no idea what to do. Let's start at the beginning; that has and always will be a very good place to start…

In the beginning of spring before Breanne graduation we go apartment shopping in Cincinnati. The process is difficult and long. We find ourselves getting discouraged as our options are running out. We accept an offer to sub lease Breanne's cousins condo. The Home Owners Association does not approve of this but the condo is really nice, big, and is really close to Breanne's place of work. Everybody involved understands the risk. There will be a fine involved and we will have to be kicked out if the HOA ever finds out that my wife and I have taken residence over. We have been living here since the beginning of summer 2008.

After we get married at the end of summer 2009 we start looking for a house. When Breanne and I first discuss whether or not to talk with her Cousins about us looking into moving out we decide not to right away. There is some work that needs to be done on the Condo and Breanne's Cousin is over here on a daily basis. Feeling bad about just leaving them in the dark I bring up the subject again with my wife about our decision to not discuss our plans with her Cousins. We decide that we are going to mention it sooner than later but don't actually mark a day to on the calendar to do so. The next day they decide to bring the topic up with us and we are truthful with our response. We tell her Cousins that we expect to be in the condo for one to six months. Two weeks later they accept someone's offer to buy the condo and tell us that we have to out of the condo by the middle of December. Did I mention that we hadn't bought a house yet?!

There is no one person truly to blame here. But I feel guilty. I have always felt that it is best to be honest with everybody because I would hope that everybody would want to be honest with me. I always push my wife to be honest and because I know her I can often tell when she is not being honest and I find myself pushing a lot. I know my wife is upset at me for pressing us into telling the truth to her cousins and now we are going to kicked out of our really nice and big condo long before we have anything resembling a house.

Am I wrong or self righteous to think that we should be telling the truth especially when asked point blank? I feel like my world is coming apart, up is down, black is white; that kind of thing. I cannot understand how making the decision to do the right thing can totally come back and bite me in the ass like this. My selfish want to be the good guy has caused me to hurt my family. So what? I am supposed to be the bad guy now? The one lies and cheats and doesn't care. That is totally not me! Is it wrong that I want to surround myself with good people and to want my wife to be more honest? Is it wrong for me to call her out when she isn't being truthful and to want her to be more truthful because the consequences of her being truthful will backfire? What has this world been coming to when we can't even be honest to family? Honestly!

Funday

I have found an idea to post things on Fridays. I am going to find a something geeky funny on line and explain it so that other people can appreciate the geeky and funniness. My first post is from The Daily WTF and is called The Program Accelerator. Please take a minute to read it over… you are probably wondering why this is funny right about now or more importantly wondering why she is trying to copy information from a program.

First thing I want to explain is ./a.out. Computers and humans speak different languages. I write a program using code that then goes through an assembler to form the binary data that tells the computer what to do. I have the option of telling the assembler what I want the name to be but if I don't there is no reason for my assembler to not do its job if I don't and a.out
is the default name for assembly output. Lost yet? I am going to get to control-c at the end so if you want to skip over this it's ok. Every time the article mentions a.out he puts a "./" in front of it. The "." at the beginning represents the current working directory. File names can get long and confusing. Instead of making the user type it out every time they want to run a program or work inside the current directory the operating system default of a directory named "." is whatever directory you are typing the command in at the command prompt. Every time the user types ./a.out it they are telling the operating system "try to execute the file name a.out inside the file I am currently inside"

Next the article mentions "cat'd" and I can see people worrying about strange things being done to cats with a computer but I assure you no cats were hurt in the writing of this post. cat is short for concatenate which basically means link things together. When you type cat and then a file name on a command prompt the command will display the contents of the file you specified. cat'd is the action of performing a cat command on a file.

Finally the moment you have all been waiting for what is Control-C doing that makes this joke so funny? At a command prompt the keyboard shortcuts are very different Control-Z will not perform an Undo action like most of your word processors these days it will tell the command that you are running to go into the background (this is kind of like pausing). Control-C on the other hand means stop the program entirely no if, ands, or buts about it. So the reason why the student's % prompt kept coming up quicker after she typed Control-C is because she was ending the program quite prematurely. Thus she got her command prompt "%" back and her output was not fully created.

Well I know a joke isn't funny if it has to be explained but I wanted to see if this would be something fun. If there were other confusing terms or concepts that you would like defined leave a comment about it!

WTFnesday 2

Today on WTFnesday there are two submissions. The first comes from texts from last night a website I happened upon through userfriendly.org's LOTD. It's goal is "to create a site that was revealing in nature while concealing the identity of everyone involved. This is why we only ask for an area code to accompany your text messages." What you can do is submit your funny texts and they will post and people will vote on how they feel about it. For example, "(334): The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning." Or "(518): Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face", or even "(407): i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star..."(that one is currently second place best night of all time). But the one I found to be most WTF like was this little beauty:

(212): i want you now
(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

Read it twice if you aren't laughing yet. There have been plenty of times that I have sent my love similar such messages and I cannot imagine the horror I would have if I accidentally sent such a message to my mother. I am going to chalk it up to the fact that I have use Love and Mom instead of their names in my cell phone book because they do have similar names … but enough about Freud. My second submission is Google making me go WTF today while changing the way my Gmail page looks. Let me explain, Gmail has a wonderful feature called Labels. Instead of folders you mark an item of interest with a label and later on you can find all of the messages associated with that subject matter by simply clicking on the label. (Breanne has 1, it is "wedding". I love her ... 65ish more days! ) I have 40+ and they are used quite frequently. I was super excited when Google decided to experiment and let me put my label on the right side of the web page because I don't like have to scroll down to my frequent label "work" (damn alphabetization). Today they changed the functionality of labels and took away an experimental feature for the first time and it happens to be the one I really was using. Come on! They couldn't have removed "Mail Goggles" or "Old Snakey" they had to remove "Right-side Labels" [sigh] Oh well this way not exactly a deal breaker for me so I will go one using Gmail just slightly annoyed again whenever I have to reach in the bowels of my list of labels.

It is interesting to me as a computer person. I have the ability to change it back myself but I won't. Even though at any time Gmail can change a feature and I don't think I could stop using its features and it doesn't upset me in the least. Microsoft on the other hand adds a "Ribbon" to all of their programs and I feel it is too gimmicky and it upsets me when I can't change a feature I don't like even though I won't. Just the fact that there is the ability to change Gmail to the way I like it I feel better about the product… hmmm… interesting…

2cute 2sday 2!

I know I haven't posted in a while and I am sorry but I have been very busy and very tired. There has been this nagging feeling in the back of my head not letting me forget that I should be making posts and as soon as I saw this i could ignore it any longer. I give you :



That is all for now. thank you for your time.

Wtfnesday

Here we go again with another posting of a ancient picture from the ICHC




When I saw this it made me go WTF!

First of all is this chicken doing so close to a KFC. Is there a coop right across the street? Is ths food very fresh at this particular KFC?

Another busy day at work and fingers crossed about getting grades tomorrow. I don't know if Thursday is going to be themed but I have been doing a really good job about posting SOMETHING everyday.

2cute 2sday

For those of you who know me my sense of cute is a little distorted. When I saw this on April 28^th 2008 I knew I had to blog about how cute it is. It took me a while but I am posting it now…

Some of you might find this more sad then cute but look at those eyes!

Too cute!

Oh, here is a linky to the page.

I am an avid follower of ICanHasCheeseburger.com and probably most of my 2cute 2sday postings will come out of it. What is 2cute 2sday? Well if I am going to blog everyday I might as well have theme. Tomorrow is WTF Wednesday.

Still no grade up but I am feeling better about it. Not that I think I actually passed but that I am more willing to accept my crappy grade. All I can do is move on. Work was ok today yesterday I was told I was going to get an assignment that I wanted to work on today and it was scrapped even before I got into work . So sad.

I Hate Mondays

Given the title and yesterday's post might think that you would know about what I am going to post about. You would be wrong. I am actually feeling better today. Today was busy and I did not feel like waking up but the commute to work was reasonable and was able to eat some chipotle. It was not too bad of a day. I still wish I knew what my grades were but sometime you cannot get what you want.

Hey, look I am posting a second time in a row today. That is a good thing, right? I am taking a small step to be redeeming myself as not a loser. Work has some exciting news for me in the future so that will make me happy. Tomorrow is 2cute 2sday so look and I can foresee a wet cat in the future (like can foresee one in the past, wouldn't THAT be useful). I happen to pass by Zero Punctuation today and it is funny stuff. I think I can remember hearing about it before but now I had the free time to sit and watch it. I am going to start at the beginning and watch all of them! Yay! Well it is getting close to being tomorrow so I have to get going but hopefully I will be back tomorrow.

Hello Again,

Well here I am again, on the bleeding edge of passing a class and checking my grades. Each day I am hopeful that my I have some glimpse of my future of feeling the pain of failing or feeling the release of barely slipping through the minimal requirements of my life.

I can't even follow my own rules. I have wanted to write in this stupid blog two days ago but I was too lazy to even do that. Breanne works so hard every day and I can't even type a couple hundred measly words to practice writing. That's why I am writing now; I wanted to write about how I was going to work hard every day of my two week break to write SOMETHING in my blog. I need to practice being able to collect my thoughts into something doesn't involve lines of programming. But I couldn't even do that. I played video games instead, again. God I feel like a loser. Well there! I did it. I wrote a whole 197 words. I'll hope fully be in a better mood tomorrow. If I don't write anything guess who is really a loser?

Hope?

Yay for another rousing weekend of school work that I procrastinated all week to finish.

Even better my fiancé spent it with her friends where as I haven't seen mine in months. Yeah that's you guys drop me a line damnit I'm bored.

My interview started the whole weekend off on a different foot. I really don't want to get my hopes up but I have to look forward to something. I really liked these guys. They even had a similar sense of humor as me. But I'm not getting my hopes up.

They said they would have an answer anytime between when right after my interview to early next week. When should I call them? I feel like after the first date you know really wanting to know but not want to be pushy. They said they liked to work fast but the last time I heard that I didn't hear anything for two weeks and then when I call they said they went with someone else. Really you don't say, thanks for give me the heads up. I hate head hunters… I swear I am not getting my hopes up.

Oh well it's the sun is almost rising so I had better get some shut eye. Damn I hate going to bed hungry but I don't want to make anything and leftovers don't sound appetizing. But I am on a "diet" so I am going to bed hungry. Breakfast is going to be yummy though I hope.

Good night everyone have a great morning

 

Ps. The offices are right down the street from a chipotle..but I am not getting my hopes up

Rain, rain..

Does the weather have to be bad all day? The lights have flickered on and off all day. When my fiancé came home the light actually went off entirely for a good 2 hours. What a bad day.

Actually it wasn't a total loss I got good couple leads on a job and an interview on Friday (fingers crossed). All I need to make sure I am either the cheapest or the most qualified. Ok so maybe this wont end good but I have to try. Practice makes perfect, right?

purpose?

wtf? Why do I feel like crap? Not like a stomachache or measles, in fact I guess I am lucky to be in perfect health, no this is a different feeling. This eats me up from the inside and leaves me feeling helpless. This economy is really getting to me and all though I have plenty of things going for me why does everything look so bleak.

I love my fiancé and she truly is a guiding light for me. All I do is for her and I always wish I could do so much more for her. I cannot wait for our wedding. Everyone says it will be September in no time and that makes me very happy. Why can't she have the wedding of her dreams? We have to cut every single corner. I know she is happy but happy is never good enough for me. I want her ecstatic. Yeah there was some money. $5k of which disappeared when an overzealous HR rep decides to quit. Ok so Breanne did not get anything in writing and everything was just word of mouth but Breanne is good hard worker and $100k is pennies compared to what Breanne is worth. But everybody is worth less in a bad economy and now one third of her expected bonus disappears. To add salt to the wound her parents keep on throwing money at us in some kind of parental bailout. We scratch their back and then 30 years from now when they can't take care of them selves we have the pleasure of doing it for them. Who knows what the economy is going to be then? Save your money for a retirement so you CAN take care of yourself.

 

Yeah and it is not like I am doing anything about it. Sure, I am getting through classes but I hate it. Even taking classes online and I stare at prompts for schoolwork for hours and not a damn thing comes to mind. I have no creativity. I tried to draw, I hate looking at them a child could do better I can barely keep up with this with out freaking out. I can program and fix computers with my eyes closed. I can't write a paper. I don't want to have a discussion about the right to privacy or what the hell a 401k is. I don't feel like I am worth something unless I have a job and nobody is hiring. My last interview ended with I can hire a professor at a junior programmer's wage why should I hire you? WTF! I have talent of 20 programmers in my little pinky and no one is willing to give me a chance. GIVE ME A PURPOSE! I just want to give Breanne the wedding she deserves. I want to give her the life she deserves but school is pissing me off and I don't even know if it will be worth a damn thing in 8 months. I can't go through school anymore but if a masters start being the minimum requirement to get in the field I want how the hell am I supposed deal with that? I can't get the experience without the experience. I have been free lancing for pennies and all I want is for Breanne to be happy and not have to take hours of call.